F.U.C.T.

whats a kid supposed to do?

Mon, 17 Oct 2005 02:30:54 GMT

whats a kid supposed to do when his girlfriend hangs out with a guys she likes who is really messed up on drugs and likes her? and gets her to sniff a bunch of crushed up pills...and cant remember anythign for two or three days after? i mean come on...i just dont know what do...she blames me for all of it...saying its because i hate her when i love her more thananything...how am i supposed to react...how is she supposed to make me believe nothign else happened if she cant even remember...? i just dont know what to do with life anymore...it seems so pointless...everyone says it wont be the end of the world if we break up....but i dont know anythign else...and it seems like everythign leading up to now (in recent events) is just my enevidable slow demise.....

Sat, 15 Oct 2005 16:11:50 GMT

why do i let paranioa get to me...? i let the little things get to me...i follow my gut feeling to much. is it wrong if ive been right before? and the other times know but cant prove it? anymore im just so tired of everything, and now here very soon im going to be out of high school and on a one way track to nowhere. i have no plans for after school..i dont even really have a clue what im going to do. i know i neglect this site a whole lot because of previous incidents but im starting to think its the only way i can say anything because the few people i do talk to anymore dont seem to want to listen or care to listen. i think i need to ge out more and just see old friends (even tho things have changed so much i dont know if id really like to do that). moving on...im in a new band...we are having a few complications here and there but everythign seems to be going fine. i talked to mark and noble about doing a show sumtime around in december....it the way its looking now it will be happening! i just have to see if till death and the band that mike and caleb are in wanna do it!

when i was hanging out with caleb and pat the other night caleb suggested that we assemble all of our old firends from back in the day...(pretty much old till death and me) and do a song together! and i thougth it was a good idea! maybe sumtime in the near future this might just happen.

even if i say i dont want to leave school, i know i do im just so sick of it and the people in it...lately its just been petty drama and other rediculious stuff. people cant control their problems...and others just letting stuff get to them to easy. i just hate it. you do one wrong thing and people blow everything thing way out of perportion. and then there is always when people use school as a segway into other stuff...i dont want to get into that..all it will do is piss me off or make me really sad...so yea...

well i tihkn im going to go eat sumthing now all this typing has made me tired...i want to thank anyone for reading this! i know you care and thank you. bye!

sowwie its been so long since ive updated

Fri, 07 Oct 2005 17:07:03 GMT

so its like this...i have plroblems i need to get under control....i can feel everything slowly sliping futher and futher away and its all my fault....each day its the same thing over and over...i just need a change....im so sick of it all right now....i need a hug man...well later!

i dont know

Fri, 03 Jun 2005 19:53:15 GMT

im bored and its already the second full day of summer...plus its a friday....i need 6 dollars to go see caleb and pat's bands tonight...but i prolly wont get it owell...i could go for aclove right now...hearing niki took its toll on me always saying she wants a clove...it does sound good right about now! lol niki save me one! for the very few who even probably read this....come save me from my boredom....dont let this summer turn into me not leaving my house all summer....well till the next entry....bye!

something new....

Fri, 27 May 2005 02:45:39 GMT

well tomorrow will be an infamous day....me nick pairan will go to school in tight pants.....i know its a shock to even myself! lol today was an ok day.....me jesse and mike all hung out today for the first time (it was really weird see mike not on the bus)we have a better idea on things now, like now we at least have an idea on were we might practice...how we are going to get money for equipment...and what kind of sound we want to have...now we need to find a guitarist who can write sum realy brutal shit...because we all agreed we want to see split heads when we are playing not people just standing around! im looking forward to the show on saturday...noble doesnt seem to excited..but it is prolly just nerves...lol poot is a crazy man! i talked to caleb and pat...it was good seeing them again it almost brought back sum good memories...but they quickly faded knowing the pasts between all of us...owell they said to be ready for their new shit because its going to blow our minds! so hopefully saturday will be fuckin crazy! it will do me sum good! i need to get rid of my frustration its driving me nuts and i just need to let loose for a lil bit! (it happens to everyone)owell fuck it! i find it weird im actually using this live journal shit...i can remember when i swore up and down when i hate this site with alli could hate! lol look at me now i just keep typing......things just dont seem right anymore...its just changed so much..life just doesnt seem right....its so easy to notice how everythign has changed....i do wish they could go back...but i dont think id do them any differently...sadly but yea. its the end of the school year!!!! im so glad im so sick of butler tech. (then again no matter what school im at i would be saying that) butler tech has forever changed me...it turned me into a person i dont like being...but it will prolly help me in the long run...well not the part that it really messed up but all the other parts...lol it helped me grow as person and ive realized alot of things..but ill save that for another time! well i think im going to get off here to take a shower and try to prepare myself another day of the remaining 3 days of school...(ill be so glad when they are over...well except not being able to see a few people every day...but ill keep in touch with them!)

Sat, 14 May 2005 03:58:44 GMT

help me..................

R.I.P

Fri, 10 Dec 2004 01:16:28 GMT

BE THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sun, 24 Oct 2004 01:04:15 GMT

There is a show the 29th and the band i'm in is playing. I'm really nervous about it.....i hope everyhting goes good. We don't even really have enough stuff down yet, but we got a few days. Today we didn't really get much done, hopefully that won't happen next time.It's going to be a really crazy hardcore show........just look at some of the bands on the flyer, if you wnat to here them go to my space .com or pure volume you can find most of them on there except the one i'm in, but everyone can just wait untill the 29th to here us. (your not missing that much anyway) Well i thought i would just put somthing along with the flyer in here so.........if you can you MUST COME!!!!!!!!! It don't, it will make me sad........so do your absolute best to be there! I want this to be THE CRAZYEST FUCKING SHOW MIDDLETOWN HAS EVER SEEN! AND IT BETTER BE!!!!!!!

so do your best i really hope to see everyone there!

I need to find sumthing to do right aboot now.........

Sun, 10 Oct 2004 19:06:42 GMT

well...........i said i wasnt going to update my journal........but there is nothing else to do........and i decided to take sum quizes i found on niki's journal so i decided to take them.........the first one is on my previous entry.....and the other on im aboot to put in......so im not sure if this one is a good thing...........but i got a kick out of it so.....yea. well im done

Disorder | Rating
Paranoid: Very High
Schizoid: High
Schizotypal: Very High
Antisocial: High
Borderline: Very High
Histrionic: Moderate
Narcissistic: Moderate
Avoidant: Very High
Dependent: Very High
Obsessive-Compulsive: High

HEHE IM MORE EVIL THAN YOU NIKI!

Sun, 10 Oct 2004 18:45:35 GMT

You are 71% evil.
well........niki i took the quiz thing on your page and this is what i got.........hehe im more evil than EVEN YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fri, 08 Oct 2004 23:22:55 GMT

well...........i changed my journal a lil bit..........ill change more of it if i get any suggestions...........so let me know if anyone has any! just post them under my comments! thank you!

Fri, 08 Oct 2004 02:17:21 GMT

Separate your mind
Overcome in time
I'm taking what is mine
Tenemos que pelear

Nothing is all, I thought I was there
I'm finding myself going nowhere
Is this a mistake?
I cannot relate to what is fake

Is this what I get for learning to speak?
For opening eyes and digging in deep?
Is this what I get for being reborn from the norm?

I don't want to shine; light will make us blind
I don't want to feel unreal
What have I become, born under the sun?
Planets will converge for you

I'll try to break you!

What would it take to not look away?
To open my eyes and stare in the face
To learn from what's real
I'm trying to deal, but it's worthless:

Is this what I get for learning to speak?
For opening eyes and digging in deep?
Is this what I get for being reborn from the norm?

I don't want to shine; light will make us blind
I don't want to feel unreal
What have I become, born under the sun?
Planets will converge for you

Pushing and grinding is twisting my mind frame
El tempo que pesa nos tumba la mesa
Y ahora que es nuestro, mi vida te apuesto,
bet my life!

I don't want to shine; light will make us blind
I don't want to feel unreal
What have I become, born under the sun?
Planets will converge for you

I don't want to feel!
I don't want to shine!
I don't want to feel!
Light will make us blind
I don't want to feel unreal

It's hammer time.

Thu, 30 Sep 2004 17:47:45 GMT

Moose.